As I walk along my chosen path to help people establish the essence of who they are and overcome the effects of bullying to find their true identity, it is necessary for me to continue to place one foot in front of the other on my own odyssey too. 

We are being encouraged all the while in the 21st century to be open-hearted, authentic, honest and true to our nature in our individual quests. It is a courageous route for us all to take because in doing so we are being prompted constantly to embrace and show our vulnerability.

In our own hero's journey, where we triumph over adversity, we expose ourselves in order to build rapport and trust with any person that we wish to work with who recognises their own story of suffering in our sharing too, this is our triumph.

However, the exact same action that we carry out in speaking our truth in order to attract new friends towards us can also invite old foes that might wish to seek out and exploit our defencelessness for their own gain. They might be notable abusers, bullies and other critical influences that we have experienced in our past who continue to try and keep us small or indeed quiet for their own benefit or justification. In sharing our story with the world we have to be ready for this type of scenario too, for if we aren't fully prepared for it, we will continue to absorb, collapse and descend back into the realm of adversity, very quickly. 

Both forces are at work in the universe constantly to help us develop and evolve towards where we need to be as human beings. When we start to bring awareness to all aspects of the situation that we encounter we can start to see the overall divine plan for our lives and the state we need to be in, between triumph and adversity, if we are to keep an even keel within our lives, one of serenity and peace. 

Recently I have chosen to share more of my 'overcoming the effects of bullying to find my true identity' story in order to hopefully connect with other people that might be continuing to experience this situation in their own lives too. I wasn't however prepared for the storm that was about to present itself when my truth started to permeate in the direction of my own immediate family.

Over the past month it has felt like I have been very much walking between the eye of the storm and the tempest that has then come to surround me.

Many people have indeed expressed their admiration in my direction for my very brave account of what it was like for me to grow up within my own home, at school, college and then in the workplace, all within a bullying type environment, when I chose to express myself both through poetry and film as part of Anti-Bullying Week back in November. This is when I felt I was in the eye of the storm and completely in the flow of life, stepping forward on my path. 

Conversely however, completely unknown to myself at the time, my comments were also being received in a very negative, fearful way by some of the people that have been closest to me in my 50 year existence upon the planet. In fact they found my statements to be most shocking and hurtful as their version of events, their own truth, was being perceived quite differently to that of my own. 

Here, the thunder, lightning, downpours of rain and howling gales have been difficult to experience once again. It has been necessary for me to batten down the hatches for a while, an old age survival strategy of mine. However, with all the personal development I have done on myself over the years, together with the support systems I now have in place, both with regards to individuals and communities in my network, I have been able to continue to stride onward towards my goal.

In the past I would have felt totally uprooted by this experience when the hurricane has come to hit, this time around however I have been able to weather the storm and come out the other side perfectly OK, grounded, centred with my roots, trunk and branches all still fully intact, I can still stand tall within the forest. 

This primarily is because I have been far more aware of what has been going on around me when the winds have started to pick up this time around. I have been able to take my share of responsibility within the events that have occurred, I can perhaps see now where other people are coming from and what their angst is all about connected to me and my living situation.

I have been able to accept this scenario for what it is and not tried to change the process that has been instigated, instead I have let the necessary healing start to take place. I have released my attachment to any outcome and let go of any expectation as to what the final result of all this will be, I have just acknowledged that it is all taking us somewhere to where we all need go. Things are a lot better I believe as a consequence because of this change in mindset. 

​At this moment in time I am inspired by the words of Oscar Hammerstein II and his song that he wrote in 1945, 'You'll Never Walk Alone', which also happens to be the anthem to my favourite football club, Liverpool FC. I am choosing to recount all the words here as I believe they bring hope at this time to us all.

You'll Never Walk Alone.

When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark

At the end of a storm
There's a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark

Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown

Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone

You'll never walk alone

Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone

You'll never walk alone  

Indeed if your story in any way matches my own, you will always have me here in support of yourself in your corner, if you choose to connect with me in this manner. You don't have to walk alone through the storm you are encountering we can do so very much together. 

And as I believed might happen when I originally wrote this blog, all of these events were leading to a place where I could experience the next stage of my personal development journey and gain the maximum amount of learning from it in the new information that was being provided to me from the coach I was working with. 

Indeed as you approach the Visibility Gateway so all of these things will blow up into your face to try and keep you small, back where you have always been, but you need to summon up the courage to step through the storm you are being greeted with in order to find that 'golden sky' and indeed 'the sweet silver song of the lark' beyond because in my experience they do in fact exist when the clouds start to dissipate. 

If you care to comment on this blog with regards to any issues or feelings it brings up for you please feel free to do so below.

One of the paradoxes of my bullying story is that I actually feel somewhat blessed to have been able to live my life in fairly comfortable accommodation throughout. In these places nature has always been at my beck and call and I have felt well looked after, nurtured and nourished, even over-nurtured at times too perhaps.

For sure, I consider myself to have led a privileged life, one where I have perhaps been spared the ravages of reality and an ordinary existence thus far by sheltering within my parental home for a period of time that has far exceeded the perceived norm by others. 

This however has led to its own pitfalls and problems, living within my own comfort zone and also finding envy at every turn from peers, contemporaries and dare I say relatives too. I have come to realise that being privileged or being in a privileged position is not necessarily a privilege.   

The shaman exists on the edge of society, where he or she is able to view community from the periphery, upon the margins. I have always lived on the edge of town. I have felt most at home with clear access to fields, grassland, moorland, woods and shoreline. It is here that one can properly commune with nature and start to see where the social models we live under are failing, or going wrong altogether, and hence the apparent reason for me to want to remain separate from all of that. 

Together with that there is the 'Angry Shaman' archetype that believes because he or she in previous lives would have been looked after as part of the community in one way shape or form, cared for, in exchange for his or her services, that in some way that ought to be happening in the here and now. Instead of which in a modern world things don't exist in that way and a monetary exchange is now required in order for the shaman to remain sustainable him or herself. This can be a difficult thing to get one's head around as a contemporary medicine man.

My living accommodation, rather sadly, has for a long time been viewed by my friends and foes as a place where a great deal of projection can be placed upon it. Projection, as I have come to realise later in life, is just another form of bullying. When it is perceived that things are such a way when in reality they are far from it. 

This is not to disguise actual bullying because this was apparent too throughout all of my upbringing and was first witnessed, outside the family unit, when a betrayal by a so called friend led to more than two years of tyranny from brothers in arms. 

The boy that I had befriended in the early part of secondary school used to come and play with me at my own house, the first parental home that I grew up in. That was before one day I saw his bike not parked outside of my gate but propped up against the wall of a notorious lad across the street. Someone who had perhaps always looked longingly in my direction, festering a degree of envy towards the perceived lifestyle I seemingly led, with two doting, loving parents. 

It is a potent mix when a traitorous friend combines forces with an envious foe, living in such close proximity to my own existence. 

It was the early 80's and one of the most popular programmes on TV at the time for any would be teenager was the Blackadder series. In it, within one of the sketches, Lord Edmund Blackadder asks Baldrick his servent 'Where is the Nutcracker?', of which Baldrick replies saying, 'Oh, it's his day off!'

A fairly innocuous statement one would imagine, one that is pretty funny for most, indeed myself too no doubt when I first heard it and yet it was subsequently used as weapon of destruction towards me to cause me ridicule as to what my family life was like down the road, just because I lived in a slightly bigger, privately owned, detached house compared to my playground buddies council house alternative. 

My father in his own life journey had done very well for himself, working his way up through the ranks of his business, earning 50p a week when he first started with the company right up to being senior partner some 40 years later, working for the same firm all of his salaried life. He was then able to leave the business on his own terms and move into a fairly abundant retirement without any real financial worries. 

On his upward curve through life, taking his family with him, I was able to live in better houses than the majority of my immediate friends. The second house I lived in, was a six bedroom house stood in at least one acre of grounds that included a tennis court within the garden. 

I like to feel, that naturally, I am a person of a generous nature and wish to share my bounty with others. I have a fairly open, honest and authentic streak within me that endeavours to welcome people into my life. I have found also however that in my openness I can leave myself quite vulnerable and exposed to those that are perhaps not fully appreciative of me and my circumstances. 

I have thrown many a party when I have been allowed the space, inviting a number of guests inside my own four walls, some great evenings have been had, cooking fantastic meals, offering wine, women and song. I jest, it wasn't quite like that. 

However in inviting people into my parents residence, in the same way that I was ridiculed for seemingly having a 'Nutcracker' at my service, I was then deemed to live on 'The Blackler Estate' where we had wildebeest and other game from the African Plains running about here, there and everywhere within the Serengeti upon the back lawn. 

Was this innocent jesting one asks? Or was there more poisoned arrows, cloaked within those statements of envy and jealousy? Certainly as they followed the then distant 'Nutcracker' jibes I found them quite hurtful until later in life I was able to bring a whole lot of healing to the issue at hand and realised that my buttons weren't so easily pressed any more.  

In the shadow work that I engaged with through David Richo and his book 'Shadow Dance' I gained enlightenment in the fact that envy just masks the qualities of admiration. A quality that is readily at hand for us to absorb back into ourselves when we take the negative aspect of the shadow and transform it into the positive alternative instead.

The irony now is that I find myself at times envious of others, and have to remind myself or bring myself back to a mode of first attention to realise that this is just admiration and I am capable of living and leading my own life in just the same way that this person is, should I deem that to be the path that I wish to take also. 

So, in short that person is acting as a guide to my higher self and what is possible for me in my own life once I start to put my mind in that direction and take self responsibility for the benefit of all. It is only then that I can start to bring parity to my life and lead a happier existence, free of the cages I otherwise find myself in, it will be the same for you too. 

I cover issues like this in my Transformational Talk sessions as part of the Shamanic Practices that I offer. If you are interested in investigating issues like this yourself I can help you once you click on the links below and we answer The Call To Adventure together as part of my Introduction Services. 

If you care to comment on this blog with regards to any issues or feelings it brings up for you please feel free to do so below.

Little did Derek Chauvin know when kneeling upon George Floyd's neck what the next 9 minutes would bring for himself, George, the black population, and humanity as a whole, I would imagine.

Racism, is in effect bullying. Bullying of a group of people purely because the colour of their skin is deemed to be somewhat different to what we might experience ourselves. We see the other person as separate from us, where the human connection and commonality between us has been lost.

Maybe the person comes from a separate neighbourhood, a different country, a contrasting part of the world, experiencing a varying culture and set of life circumstances to us. Instead of seeking to understand and begin to know that individual, extending the hand of love towards them, we choose to concentrate on the separateness, the fear and feeling threatened by the other person. We end up punishing them for not being like us. 

I speak from personal experience, my life path is one of being bullied. Ironically experiencing the flip side of the coin, as a privileged white male, certainly within my own peer group, in contrast to other caucasian youths that lived within my own neighbourhood. I was seen to be different. I seemingly had more than others, a bigger house, larger amount of wealth, more loving parents and these guys were envious of my upbringing and lifestyle. 

I actually ended up having a similar experience to George. Years of bullying by my own tyrants, two individuals in particular, led to a pivotal moment, a crescendo, where one of the protagonists placed his arm around my neck, playfully demonstrating to his counterpart of what it would take to strangle somebody.

Unfortunately for him, and for me for that matter also, he pulled his arm a little too tight around my windpipe and I blacked out and fell to the ground. Just like George, I was able to offer up little resistance to what was happening at the time, almost accepting it as the norm. That was, until immediately after the event where I realised the ramifications of what had just happened. Fortunately I was able to get back up onto my own two feet again. On doing so I felt immediately empowered to go and get help to start to bring about some sort of change. 

This I think is what is happening now, the black population is getting back up on its own two feet again on behalf of George and for their own sake too. They have been suppressed for far too long and this is perhaps the moment that has come to trigger a whole race into action and bring about lasting transformation. 

We of course have been living in an unprecedented time of late, the Coronavirus lockdown has placed restrictions on society across the planet like never before. If there has been any feeling of unrest going on behind closed doors then this scenario will only have exacerbated the situation. A pressure cooker of ill feeling could well have been building up in households across nations not necessarily related to racism, just in experiencing what it is to be human living through this time with our own unsatisfactory set of life circumstances playing out within our own mind. 

Under such a situation it only takes a tiny spark to explode a powder keg of emotion that has been pent up for decades, centuries, millennia even, and rightly so too. It may well prove to be the instance that brings a great deal of things to a head within the world that need to be healed within our own society and then moved on from. 

What the black race will have to do now, if my own circumstances are anything to go by is to seek to make themselves stronger in whatever shape or form is deemed possible, not by way of further conflict, but by way of questioning their oppressors and enquiring into how a more even society can be experienced and parity formed. 

For when I was being bullied, I didn't realise that I was the type of person that could be bullied, or would be bullied. So when one oppressor left, it was only a matter of time before another oppressor arrived because I hadn't done anything to change myself and my own way of being.

I realised I had to change my own behaviour, the way I conversed with people. I needed to find myself, get in touch with my own belief system, be sure of my own abilities, worthiness and purpose, to create a tougher core that was not to be pushed around any more so I was more able to stand my ground. This took many years of investigating and experimentation before the right path, teachings and tenets started to present themselves to me through my own personal development and eventually finding shamanism. 

If we resort to rebellion at any time and seek to become the oppressors ourselves, to retaliate through more violence, then we are no better than what we have experienced first hand ourselves. Sometimes, I grant, this is a necessary process if our oppressor won't listen to us or is not prepared to enter into a negotiation with us, but ultimately there are only losers in this scenario.  

If we are to follow Dr Eric Berne's Transactional Analysis, where we realise that the only options open to us, by way of communicating with one another, are through being a parent, adult or child, then when we become the oppressor or are the oppressed we are acting out the parent / child scenario. Here we can only bring heartache and pain to our world. Our challenge or invitation is to try and shift that emphasis into the realm of the adult. Here a more supportive space of enquiry exists in a place love, not one of fear. Here we can bring peace to ourselves, others, our community and our planet for the benefit of everyone in the future. 

If you care to comment on this blog with regards to any issues or feelings it brings up for you please feel free to do so below.

At 33 I sought counselling for the first time, I discovered that up to that point I had been letting other people rule my life. I had been brow beaten from birth, I had a difficult childhood and was severely bullied at school, this continued right through college and into the workplace.

My default, survival strategy had been to absorb and collapse, making myself as small as possible in order to disappear and go unnoticed. I was a good boy, quiet, timid and shy. I had no voice. 

Consequently, by the time I reached adolescence, I had little confidence when it came to women and it felt impossible to speak to the girls I really liked. I had a lot of shame around my sexuality and I felt emasculated. It took me until the age of 30 before I had any meaningful relationship with a woman and then ended up being with more maternal types that liked me more than I did them.  

Adopting a nodding dog style of communication, giving away my power to others, I also made poor career choices, not right for me. I was creative, and my tutors advised me to follow a textile design route when I really wanted to do graphic design. It took me 9 years to get back to where I wanted to be in the first place. By the time I had been made redundant from my second textile job in 1995 I had lost all faith in the system and decided that I would take responsibility for my own learning and development in the future.

My counsellor showed me an alternative way to live. I received my first tools in order to try and create change in my life and I began to realise the true power of personal development.  

It was more difficult than I first thought however and the Universe needed to intervene to get me back on track. I had a car crash. I came across a farm boy going Mach 3 with his hair on fire in the back lanes of Liskeard and there was nothing I could do but watch him hurtle at 60 mph right towards me. Fortunately I had the foresight to let the handbrake off so my car was able to absorb some of the impact, but it was a write off and I had the effects of whiplash for 2 years afterward.

This was enough to make me think about how I was living my life and whether it was truly rewarding enough for me. I still felt as if I was being bullied, in a way, because I wasn’t being paid well, even within my graphic design career. But then, I didn’t really know my true worth or where I was heading then so how could I expect anyone else to know that either?

In a dark night of the soul moment I reached out to my network and a marketing lady I knew asked me if I was aware of the work of Neil Crofts. He was a life coach, who had written a book called ‘Authentic - How To Make A Living By Being Yourself’. His was the first book I had ever read that spoke to me as if I’d written it myself. He used nature based techniques in his teachings and I took a Medicine Walk with him one day out in nature and discovered that I was to become a spiritual guide. 

I followed him to Majorca to attend a transformation course he was running out there but even before the course had started I encountered a beautiful butterfly in the garden, the like of which I had not seen since my early childhood, a swallowtail. It was a truly magical moment as I glimpsed a reflection of my own identity I thought and I was filled with a spiritual energy like I had never encountered before, an explosion of heat was released from my lower spine right up over my head as if I was being touched by god. I was experiencing a kundalini (spiritual) awakening. This prompted me to become a life coach too. 

As a result, I started to care more about nature and the planet. I joined environmental organisations like the Transition Town Network where I was able to sit in circles and begin to speak my truth. In time I headed up my own initiative and started more formal public speaking. I started to take on a number of coaching clients too and I helped people feel less anxious about their life, increased their confidence, gave them permission to be themselves and helped them establish their own life purpose, my own confidence soared also as a result.

Personally though, I was still struggling to share my heart with those with whom I liked the most. A seven year journey of unrequited love ended in disaster and I rather naively made mistakes with other women too. I had an affair with a coach of mine and a relationship with an ex-client too. Neither ended well even though I never wished either of them anything but love. I realised I had to work on my boundaries!

At this point I began to question my own ability to be a life coach and I withdrew from the profession. I felt as though a rug was being pulled from beneath me and I was devastated. 

I chose to take time out to properly heal. I went to work in a finance department and even followed my passion for sailing for a while. 

Finally, I saved enough money to complete three years of training to become a Shamanic Practitioner with Northern Drum and a one year training to become a qualified Accredited Flower Essence Practitioner with The Chalice Well too.

It feels like I have been blessed, I am thankful for it all, even the bullying! I continue to learn about our true allies of nature; the flora and fauna around us. I have found my masculinity, my true self and my medicine name, ‘Swallowtail.’ 

Best of all, I am now ready to help others to overcome similar issues to that I have encountered myself and I have launched my own flower essence and shamanic practice, Allies Of Nature, which incorporates a range of flower essences too.

I work with my clients, in nature, to help them overcome the effects of bullying to discover their true identity, using nature as an ally to move them from a place of fear to one of love, helping them to live their lives more in harmony with the rest of the planet. 

We engage in transformational conversations and sessions together which take place in all kinds of natural locations: on a hill-top, by a river, at the beach or in a forest. Our natural surroundings help us to go deep and discover the way to heal. 

​The flower essences are here to assist us in that process, proving to be magnificent teachers in their own right bringing their own individual restorative qualities via each flower essence in the range in order to help everyone come back into a state of balance and become the best they can be through improved emotional wellbeing. 

When you’re ready to discover your own true identity and become an ally of nature yourself, I’ll be here to help you with my flower essence and shamanic practice to guide you towards fulfilling your greatest potential.

If you care to comment on this blog with regards to any issues or feelings it brings up for you please feel free to do so below.

In shamanism it is believed that if we journey through life without the assistance of a power animal or spirit guide we will continually feel lost, be unsure of ourselves, our purpose and the unique gifts that we have to offer the world. We will most likely remain incomplete, fractured and wounded for many years. 

Just like in Phillip Pullman's 'His Dark Materials' and James Cameron's 'Avatar' where the lead characters all have power animals that assist them in their daily tasks and life passage, we too have such companions, in spirit form, available to us once we learn how to tap into their connection and qualities. 

If you are unsure of whether you have a power animal or not assisting you, they will most likely make themselves known to you through your passions and dreams. Alternatively in modern day living they can be seen in logos and advertising. 

If for instance there is an animal that you have been particularly drawn to in your life and have pictures of them plastered all over your walls then this could quite possibly be an indication of your power animal. Otherwise there may be an animal that regularly appears in wildlife programs or when you are out and about walking the land. It seemingly magically appears just when you are turning on the TV or passing its den. This animal is most likely trying to gain your attention for a particular reason and it too could hint at being an animal spirit guide for yourself.

If we wish to seek clarification as to whether this animal is our power animal or not we can always take part in a shamanic drum journey, where to the beat of the drum we can voyage through our third eye into the world beneath the surface of the Earth. Here we can see what animal spirits want to greet us within the darkness as we take a subconscious passage into the dream state. 

Once we start to understand the unique essence of our power animal we can begin to appreciate our skills and attributes that are mirrored through it. Also, as we start to establish a resonance with this work and build a relationship with our initial companion other animals too can start to appear with particular tasks for our existence. Eventually we will be able to build a whole circle of allies to assist us in our quest for wholeness. 

Where these animals sit within our circle can determine the special message that they wish to bring to us and why they are here to help us at this time. Once we understand about the circle and the medicine wheel itself all begins to become clear. 

For me I have four main spirit animal allies in my circle, black panther of the West, grey wolf of the North, red stag of the East and orange tiger of the South, or this is how I refer to them in any case. I have a lot of other animal spirit guides too that come along at timely intervals with their own particular mission for me.

The wildlife programs and films that I have watched over the years that have most resonated with me have been the likes of Big Cat Diary and Born Free. I have had a fascination with the larger feline animals of the world, especially when deemed to be at large within the UK too, including one that happened to be spotted just yards away from my second parental home some years ago. It was therefore no great surprise to me that when I searched for my initial power animal, a big cat in the form of a black panther presented itself to me within a drum journey.

I know her to be my true power animal because she brings with her a healing ability which enables me to use my all seeing eyes to peer beyond the veil and look deep into things and people for the benefit of their own healing, coaching and guiding. She has a very sleek, sensual and feminine quality to her and has been journeying with me for most of my life, largely unnoticed. I have spent a great part of that time under her influence being steered by lunar energy and feminine creative qualities.

In my shamanic training however another animal came to assist me in order to bring more equilibrium to my being. The red stag introduced himself to me in no uncertain terms to be the representative of my lesser known masculinity. He was delivered to me in a vivid dream on the first vision quest I took part in. It felt like a life changing experience and for a time he gave me a new medicine name to work with in Running Deer. He helped me journey towards a more balanced perspective on life counteracting the feminine.  

Another animal that sits in my circle is the tiger which most easily connects me with my passions and emotions. A signature species of the planet the tiger makes me aware of the deep love affair that I have with the Earth itself and all the inhabitants thereof. As a truly beautiful creature she makes me aware of not only her plight in the world but that of all species still alive with her habitat loss and threat of existence at the hands of man. The tiger brings to me a purpose and a passion to all of my work. 

Finally the wolf of the North sits proudly at the top of my circle and shows me the way, being the pathfinder that he is, his qualities include his strong heart, faithfulness and being of service to the clan that he is most closely aligned with. He, I believe, is sniffing out a new tribe or soul family for me to be a part of. 

Together they are an awesome foursome who are all helping me to become a more whole and complete individual able to lead his own life more assured of his own qualities, to which I am eternally grateful. 

In finding your own power animals you too can begin to bring a greater sense of wholeness to your being. Let me know if I can be of any assistance to you in helping you to find your own animal spirit guides by way of a drum journey or any other healing, coaching or guiding session I can take you through for that matter also. 

If you care to comment on this blog with regards to any issues or feelings it brings up for you please feel free to do so below.

I don't know when exactly it was that I first became aware of the true nature of butterflies, possibly when chasing them around the garden at home with my little yellow net, when I was barely able to walk, let alone run, at the age of two. When I felt free. When I was trying to catch the cabbage white, its lime green and black caterpillar having eaten up all of next door's greens. The adult butterfly having emerged from its chrysalis used to flock to our garden resting itself on our dahlia heads or rose bushes in our flower packed beds. ​​

I used to get into all sorts of trouble rushing about trying to catch these dull looking, elusive creatures, a plain white butterfly with the odd black spot on the tips of its wings. I would take swipe after swipe with my ready made trap as I pursued them across open grassland and vegetable patch, doing more damage to the poor flowers and growing harvest than the butterflies themselves had ever done in my attempts to avenge the atrocities their former selves had administered to the plants over the fence. My parents were far from pleased with my antics.

One day, having pulled the wings off my umpteenth leaf and petal pest, suddenly something happened to change all that. A wonderful swallowtail butterfly fluttered over the top of the hedge from below our house and danced magically for a few moments throughout the shrubbery bringing with it a new felt warmth into the garden as if it carried with it the sunlight itself. Its brightly coloured coat of yellow, cyan, magenta and black held me in awe of its own unique identity, shining well beyond mine. I would not wish to capture such a creature but just watch it, let it pitch and glide and wonder at it blissfully, as it made its passage through my life and be thankful for the time it had graced me with its presence. 

In later life I was to learn that this was indeed a rare sight and this experience was well and truly special. Swallowtails are scarce, hardly ever being seen in South West England more commonly being witnessed on the European mainland, although inevitably in decline with habitat loss. Had this one got lost? I wondered. Were they more common at the time? It's hard to believe these days that I actually saw it. Maybe I dreamt it? It certainly left a lasting impression on me. Perhaps it had brought a subliminal message from spirit that I wouldn't truly know the meaning of until experiencing another synchronistic moment like it some 30 years later. This is what I have come to believe in any case. 

I realized instantly from seeing it, that it was high time I put my net down, no longer to be used as a weapon of mass destruction against my fellow creature. I would celebrate the winged one for all it was, even the cabbage white, who in hindsight I thought had done its level best to emerge from its own destructive past into a much higher being. Who was I to condemn it for that? 
​
No, that would be a lesson for me in later life, a teaching about my own ability to transform, one in which I now hope to help others with too, including yourself, in learning what it takes to become a butterfly or a true ally of nature.

If you care to comment on this blog with regards to any issues or feelings it brings up for you please feel free to do so below.

Back in August 2018 I came to the end of my Three Year Shamanic Training, the culmination of which saw me produce this Medicine Shield, designed to truly depict who I am, even though at the time I didn't wholly realise what this meant. However there were enough clues in the imagery and my final Vision Quest to suggest what it could be hinting at. As I have journeyed in the weeks and months since, the shield has given me much greater clarity, proving to be a great teacher in its own right. 

Whereas in the past I have run companies in graphic design, branding and personal development and always chosen logos that in some way shape or form related to nature, there was always something missing, most likely because I wasn't really sure of my own unique identity behind the brand, my own true self.

However, this shield truly represents me and my recent journey, it holds all of my medicine power. I know it and love it deeply because it has come from a truly intimate place within my soul, each element being spelt out to me within nature as an essential part of who I am. I shall now carry this image with me, quite literally, for the rest of my life.

This I believe is the strength of shamanic training and working with spirit in this way. It gives you this essence of who you are, this understanding, this knowledge, by giving you riddles along the way for you to solve in divine right timing.  

I had been drawn to include flowers in the motif, for what reason I did not really know but they had been very much a part of every ceremony I had done in nature. I knew this was seemingly a very feminine thing that I had to depict within any would be warrior shield but I just knew they had to be in there somewhere, intuitively, instinctively, they wished to have their presence known. 

There were the foxgloves that had stood as guardians in the darkness of a Devon forest, protecting me on one scary, lone vigil night, as I was being introduced to my first power animal, the black panther, representative of all my feminine qualities that had dominated my life to that point. Then again that same flower had stood tall in the full glare of sunlight in a Druid Welsh valley where I received a dream as vivid as you could imagine of my second power animal, the red stag, who started to bring forth my masculine side, so sadly missing from my previous existence. The two animals together would give me the balance that I so desperately needed.

Here in the shield too was the thistle whose seeds had blown continuously through the 'Shedding Of The Skin' ceremony that I had completed within the first 12 months of my training where I left my past behind me to witness my full power blowing on the wind spreading its potency as far as the eye could see.

Then there was the rose itself, which I was still yet to discover its true meaning until only this past week. 

For this summer solstice I was guided to create my latest flower essence, the wild rose. One of the things that I had been given from my last deep immersion in nature in the final days of my training was the fact that I could in time start to work with flowers and flower essences in particular, little realising then how much I was going to love this voyage of discovery once dipping my toe in the water.

Signing up to the Chalice Well Flower Essence Practitioner Course back in March is seemingly the best thing that I have ever done. I believe the flowers have heightened my connection to nature and spirit, they have been continually calling me to make essences from them, to understand spirit better through them, so as to frame all of my other work and build a brand to help my fellow 'Allies Of Nature'.

Creating my own essences of blackthorn, bluebell, red campion, foxglove and now wild rose a story has begun to be told of how they all link together and the beauty held within each one of them in their individual qualities. The rose speaking most highly of a return to source, as with the original wild rose where all roses have arguably come from, getting back to the real essence of what it is to be who you truly are. Then to live from that place, with a strong heart, seizing the moment, seizing the day, carpé diem, in how you live your life for the rest of your existence.

This is what the shield most represents to me I feel that solstice moment of the full sun in the background, being at its height, its zenith, with the masculine stag in the middle ground with all its power and might, and the flowers in the foreground representing the warrior, guardian, protector, with the strong heart. From here comes the pure joy of the swallow, dancing in the sky, and ultimately the swallowtail butterfly itself behind it all, unseen, who helps form the brand of 'Allies Of Nature'.

So there we are, that is me, in all my glory. As this shield becomes more ingrained within my psyche and I devote more of my time to be able to work in my element, sure of who I am now. I hope this will begin to reap rewards not only for myself, but for all the people that I am lucky enough to come into contact with to assist in their own personal development and for the rest of the planet also.

If you care to comment on this blog with regards to any issues or feelings it brings up for you please feel free to do so below.